Reach Back

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There was a period of time, not too long ago, when I had not been writing because I decided to take some time off to do some thinking. Recently, I have felt myself doing a lot more thinking than writing; thinking about everything I do and the choices I make and why things are they way they are and how I can ...... my vision to throughout the yoUniverse.

 

You see, I took a break because I began to feel lost in a voided space that was indefinable. I had ceased wanting to push myself; I was not seeing the fruits of my labor. I began to doubt what I had to say and whether I should write or share it. For a second, I kept telling myself that 'maybe I am not good enough, yet; maybe I was too eager to begin and not prepared enough.

http://nemoss.deviantart.com/art/Space-Abyss-161805658

For a period in my life I kept hearing negative affirmations that I was not _________ enough. I kept focusing on feelings of inadequacy. I felt I was losing me; losing me to a quiet storm of negative thoughts. Losing me to an abyss that I had allowed to open up and suck me in to float around aimlessly.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/MyEmpowermentMyWay

Then I met an empowerment coach, Ayesha NuRa. I don't recall how I became aware of the invitation to the workshop she titled "My Empowerment, My Way" in August, 2012 but something stirred in me that this was something I needed to experience. After securing enrollment in the workshop, I attended with a small group of other ladies and for the first time in my adult life I felt truly grounded. In that moment, I was being transformed; I was a participant and an observer of that change.

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You see, changing is living. Lauren Hill stated that anything that isn't changing is dead. In the moments that followed, I began to strip away and to see and feel the stripping away of the pieces of me that contained negative thoughts and ideas. I began to literally experience a transformation. Everyday I began to use the tools Ayesha shared with us, some more than others, but I began to 'do the work.' Everyday is a struggle; there are some days I feel depleted. However, everyday I rise and resolve to try again.

So in this moment, I have realized that sometimes we need to take a break and do some thinking. Thinking is changing done mentally and consciously. Besides, all this thinking has made me realize that I have a vault of writing material tucked away in old journals and notebooks; random, sometimes verbose utterances of active thoughts I have had. So, instead of pressuring myself to be perfect now, why not take the pieces of perfection from my past and repurpose them.

A friend, Deirdré Hector writes a blog titled "Reach Back and Fetch It" (http://reachandfetch.com/), reminiscent of the principle of Sankofa. We should all take moments to look back and 'fetch' instances from our past that teaches us and empowers us. Learn from our past to appreciate the now and to guide our future. So, why not reach back and fetch something. Dance, Write, Sing. 😊

Photo: http://reachandfetch.com/